Sunday, August 9, 2009

Into the Fire

At the end of Day One, I feel pretty confident that I can do the food part of this Cleanse. I also feel pretty confident that the emotional part is going to be rubbish.

First, the Food.

Yes, there IS stuff you can eat on this diet. I went to both Whole Foods and Safeway, and while I spent more than I wanted on this trip, I wanted to make sure I had plenty of good stuff to start.

In addition to the typical fruits and veggies, I got some WF hummus (which is very tahini-y, and which I happen to adore), quinoa (which I've never tried before), lots of beans and brown rice, steel-cut oatmeal, soy milk and these gluten-free soy burgers that are supposed to be good. (Though I leave the relativity of good out in the open until I try them.) I also got some gluten-free bread (which looks scary) and natural, no-sugar peanut butter.

One thing I did notice is that there does tend to be a lot of stuff that's vegan but not gluten-free, and vice versa. Or it's both, but has sugar in it. So, that's not so awesome.

Still, I felt like I got plenty of food, and I made a vegetable stock tonight that has my house smelling as homey as any chicken stock did.

Now, as to the Emotion...

Granted, today is the day B goes back to her dad's, and that's always a terrible day. I was actually doing okay, until I read something that - rightly or wrongly - hurt my feelings. Then the weeping started.

Unfortunately, the first thing I recognized was that all of my usual self-medication suspects - a glass of wine in a hot bath, a heavy meal followed by an even heavier dessert - were gone. I had to sit with that feeling, and it kind of sucked.

Kathy Freston warned that this would happen during the Cleanse, but I didn't think it would happen the first day!!

Anyway, I worked through it. I gave myself permission to rest, and then took a long hike. About halfway through, I found myself on a point overlooking the ocean, and I meditated for a while about all the good things in my life. At one point, I whispered, "I'm proud of you" ... and I really meant it.

I still cried a little, but I think I felt better than I would have if I'd had a glass of wine and a steak.


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